Tag Archives: why

Gifts To Give To Your Favorite People

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Dear peeps,

So, with Christmas creeping ever closer, I thought it’d be about time to create a little list for myself of all the things I need to buy.

What do you mean “it’s September”?

But before we begin, I would like to mention that we could give this post an alternate title, perhaps “Making Friends: Part 1”

Enjoy.

Deodorant.

And be thorough about it!

“Weight Loss For Dummies”

“This did wonders for my friend’s cousin!”

Lemons

Bonus points if you explain their symbolic resonance.

Mouth wash

As with deodorant: Don’t go cheap. Get the good stuff.

Kitty sweater

Making their baby this happy is bound to draw you two closer!

“I ♡ Paris” key-chain – especially when she’s never been to Paris

Because nothing says love like taking thirty entire seconds to pick out this three-euro treasure.

A cactus

“Oh I know just where to put this!”

The gift you’re regifting and forgot they gave you.

Concealer

“I did my best to get you something useful!” – “Awww how sweet!”

“11’002 things to be miserable about”

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One-size-fits-all socks

*sandals not included*

*sandals not included*

Also, just a quick side note: I may or may  ot have received and/or given various items on this list…

Now, scamper off and play, kids!

Cheers,

Penny

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Sit on my stuff please.

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To the lady who mistook my school stuff for a seat cushion,

 

Walks into an almost empty tram, sits down right next to me while i frantically pull my bags out from underneath her, doesnt grace me with a hello – or a glance, for that matter. Sits in silence, glaring into space, the entire way.

Well ok…

 

Cheers,

Penny

I Almost Met Freddie Mercury (and other trivialities)

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Good morning peeps!

 

Yes, I’m up, and actually writing again, finally. Now before I continue, I’d like to just say that I wish I were still asleep because my mother came in with her motivated “rise and shine” just as I was about to meet Freddie Mercury in my dream.

i will begrudge her this forever

Apart from that though, I’m writing out of guilt, since I sortof disappeared for like three days. But I have much exciting news! *audience squints unconvincedly*

Well, I did go to the library, and borrow books for research on my graduation paper. My topic is 9/11, so this shouldn’t be dismal.

*immediately feels guilty about slight humor*

Oh, but in other news: My mother has decided that it would be in all of our health-benefits to try going vegan for a week. Testing it before a permanent decision or something.

I am that man. That man is me. The ball is tofu.

And so of course, I am now realizing how much of my diet consists of things that apparently don’t qualify as vegan. Such as everything that isn’t fruits or vegetables.

I had an entire pack of rice-cakes for breakfast this morning.

It was delicious.

(They even specify the “ingredients” on the packaging: rice.)

But tomorrow is the last day, and then I hope (I’m assuming, please God) that Mom will come to her senses. I’ll die from eating meat and cheese if need be (and we all know I mean the cheese), because otherwise I’ll die from not eating them. And which one is the slower, more painful death? That’s right.

So, enjoy all the beautiful food you eat today, and savor the taste for me!

 

Cheers,

Penny

How To Avoid Tan-Lines! – an ode to modern fashion

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Hi peeps!

 

Ok, so summer ist upon us. #observant

And I am very gradually coming to the conclusion that it might be time to change out the cardigans and scarves I’ve been wearing for clothes that will allow my skin to breathe and develop that radiant, healthy, sun-kissed glow.

i feel like that dress doesn’t do much for her complexion, but this is the color i’m going for

The only issue is, in order to wear summer clothing, I must own summer clothing.

In order to own summer clothing, I must buy summer clothing.

This is a very real obstacle.

See, what happens in clothing stores (and let’s be honest: we know I mean H&M #forlife) is that I walk in, all confident and cheerful, I drag myself around the aisles – despite armpit sweat and questionable oxygen levels – picking and choosing, like a good customer should.

Well.

Then, after standing in line for the changing rooms for *five minutes* (half and hour), I get to trying the things on.

And suddenly, the mirrors are surrounding me!

The flourescent lights are blinding my eyes, all I can do is to squint suspiciously at my reflection…

Searching for the clothes I supposedly just put on… And the terror hits me!

please pay us 30 bucks to be naked :)

My knees wobble.

I desperately attempt to free myself from the strips of fabric.

Whimpering, I slide down the wall and hit the floor.

My body, once so motivated and full of life, now lies helplessly on the scratchy carpet, waiting to be rescued.

One leg halfway through a pair of hot-pants, price-tags strewn around me like bullets.

Limbs twitching.

I….can’t…go on….

Accepting the vicious, cruel reality of what is now considered fashion, I consider the advantages of nudism.

No tan-lines?

should i give in to the pressures of society?

Deciding to preserve my dignity, I opt for…procrastination.

Shopping can be completed a different time.

 

Cheers,

Penny