Tag Archives: superhero

why i am spiderman


Hi peeps,


I would like to tell you about my undying desire to be a boy.

Ok, perhaps I should rephrase this:

I wanna be Spiderman, and walk around like a boss, and be strong and save people, and I wanna be sweaty and gross and impressive and cool – I don’t want to be Mary-Jane, a damsel in distress! I mean look at her:

I’m just saying. The similarity. It is there. (I’m actually wondering if I should vote for Kristen)

I guess my point is: Girls are nevvvver the hero! And when they are, then:

k, so there are some villains here. what’s your point?

a nice cool breeze, id say

that magic stare is just immobilizing. the city is saved!

create maximum booty stretch for optimal leverage…right?

unrestricted. very practical.

I just feel like the super-femme application form must look a lot like this:

Please answer the following questions:

Bra size:

  • c
  • d
  • e
  • select here for complementary surgical enlargement

I would like to wear the following Outfit**:

  • leotard
  • cat-suit
  • nothing
  • bikini

Would you like a personal hair-stylist? (extra charges may apply)

  • yes
  • only before I meet Batman / Superman / the sexy super-villain

**Warning: Absence of permanent wedgie not guaranteed.

in fairness, I feel sorry for the guys who think they have to look like superman. please dont look like superman. don’t do the tights thing.

Basically, I wasn’t even allowed to watch Cat Woman until I was thirteen because the images were considered “too explicit”.

And so I turned my attention to more practical goals. I decided I would be Spiderman.

I dreamt of having spidey powers. I pretended to have spidey powers, I owned spidey merch (stolen from my brother), I wore spidey costumes.

That was my childhood.

I still want to be spidey.

And I’ve forgotten what I wanted to say.

Nevermind. Go web go!

nooooooo goddammit