Tag Archives: help me

Endangering My Sanity

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Dear peeps,

 

I am about to give you important life-advice, and trust me when I tell you: I am a pro.

Not because I am a pro at life, but because I am a pro at failing at life.

So here is a list of things you shouldn’t do. Also, excuse me, since I am in a state of seeing red right now, so my wording may seem less fairy-like than usual.

and pls dont ask how wording can be fairy like. srsly. not today.

Right, lemme start the list:

  • Don’t replace your laptop with a tablet. Specifically, don’t replace your beautiful, lovely, all-powerful laptop with a hideous, useless, stupid, good for squat SAMSUNG GALAXY TABLET or whatever it is that I spent ALL my savings on.

  • Don’t listen to the girl at the electronics store who is thrilled that suckers like you have no clue what they’re doing and will gladly buy all the pieces of crap none of the normal people wanted.

  • Dont be surprised when editing photos, watching videos, even creating a simple Word or Powerpoint document proves to be nigh impossible on your new Samsung Galaxy Tablet that you bought with all your savings.

Please help me.

  • Don’t have high expectations when it comes to the bluetooth keyboard you paid for specifically to not have to type everything on the touch screen, because it will probably decide to not work for no reason other than it didn’t feel like it. No, it didn’t come with a charger or batteries. And no, I didn’t spill anything on it or drop it.

dont we all just luvvvv inspirational quotes

  • Don’t rant about your broken keyboard and / or shitty tablet on the internet, because who the hell wants to read something that negative anyway?

Wait…ok yeah I see it now. Sorry. I’ll stop.

So, learn from my mistakes, and just get the laptop. You have been warned. I’m gonna go cry now.

 

Cheers,

Penny

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How To Avoid Tan-Lines! – an ode to modern fashion

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Hi peeps!

 

Ok, so summer ist upon us. #observant

And I am very gradually coming to the conclusion that it might be time to change out the cardigans and scarves I’ve been wearing for clothes that will allow my skin to breathe and develop that radiant, healthy, sun-kissed glow.

i feel like that dress doesn’t do much for her complexion, but this is the color i’m going for

The only issue is, in order to wear summer clothing, I must own summer clothing.

In order to own summer clothing, I must buy summer clothing.

This is a very real obstacle.

See, what happens in clothing stores (and let’s be honest: we know I mean H&M #forlife) is that I walk in, all confident and cheerful, I drag myself around the aisles – despite armpit sweat and questionable oxygen levels – picking and choosing, like a good customer should.

Well.

Then, after standing in line for the changing rooms for *five minutes* (half and hour), I get to trying the things on.

And suddenly, the mirrors are surrounding me!

The flourescent lights are blinding my eyes, all I can do is to squint suspiciously at my reflection…

Searching for the clothes I supposedly just put on… And the terror hits me!

please pay us 30 bucks to be naked :)

My knees wobble.

I desperately attempt to free myself from the strips of fabric.

Whimpering, I slide down the wall and hit the floor.

My body, once so motivated and full of life, now lies helplessly on the scratchy carpet, waiting to be rescued.

One leg halfway through a pair of hot-pants, price-tags strewn around me like bullets.

Limbs twitching.

I….can’t…go on….

Accepting the vicious, cruel reality of what is now considered fashion, I consider the advantages of nudism.

No tan-lines?

should i give in to the pressures of society?

Deciding to preserve my dignity, I opt for…procrastination.

Shopping can be completed a different time.

 

Cheers,

Penny

8 Things To Do On A Long Flight – you can flyyy you can flyyy you can flyyyyyyyyy ˆˆ

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Hi peeps!

 

As it is summer, I figure many of you may be going to exciting new places, travelling the world, visiting relatives, hangin’ at the beach, all of those fab things.

And of course, in order to achieve this fun (*insert salsa dance emoji here*) it is often necessary to fly.

alas, not like this #crushingdreams

This can be – entirely apart from the whole airport experience – quite a grueling process (although, the feeling of imminent death at take-off and landing do provide rather thrilling adrenaline rushes). Of course, as long as you’re not afraid of flying – I won’t add in any statistics here because I’m not sure if they’d be helpful or not – you can always just watch a dulling stream of, yknow, four, five, six movies and be done with it.

no judgement – also, fun fact: Whenever I’m on a plane, I get this irresistable urge to watch all the depressing movies – and I mean ALL of them. Les Mis, The Book Thief, Titanic, Gladiator, you  name it. So then my neighbors get the beautiful picture of mascara streaming down my face the entire flight. I can’t help it.

However, it’s only a matter of time before you’re really just watching the leftover options, and this could be anything from StarTrek (pls don’t attack me for that) to Mickey’s Great Adventures. Ah, yes. Boredom strikes!

But do not despair, for here I have made a list….WAYS TO OCCUPY YOURSELF ON LONG PLANE FLIGHTS!!! #applauseapplause

1. Ring up the flight attendants for water. Decide you don’t want it when they arrive. Repeat until they refuse to come. Then complain.

jk I just wanted to put that in there. No rly here goes:

 

1. Move aroung until you discover the perfect sleeping position.

Pro: This could last the entire flight.

Con: Because that position doesn’t exist.

now THERES a real option

or you can always do it like this

2. Entertain the small child two seats down.

Pro: Could last the entire flight, because the child doesn’t tire.

Con: Could last the entire flight, because the child doesn’t tire.

fun, fun, fun all the way

3. Become friends with your neighbor.

Pro: Interesting new conversation partner.

Con: Realizing you have nothing in common two hours into your ten hour flight.

when they side with your ex… #friendsproblems

4. Listen to classical music on the radio.

Pro: Very sophistication, much educated.

Con: 30 minute speaking-intermissions no one listens to.

#couldntfindafittingimage

5. Draw and express the talent you don’t usually have time for.

Pro: “Wowww did you draw that?”

Con: “We are experiencing some slight turbulences. Please remain calm.”

i don’t even know what this is

6. Read that book you’ve been meaning to read.

Pro: You’re finally reading that book.

Con: “We are experiencing some slight turbulences. Please remain calm.”

well…

7. Sleep. (referring back to 1., this might be difficult)

Pro: Avoiding jet-lag.

Con: …but you could be watching a movie…

Two types of people.

8. Watch movies until you arrive.

Pro: ALL DA MOVIES

Con: …feeling unfulfilled?

nahh, she looks fine

Imma be watching the movies. No question.

Have a great trip! (See you in the fall – hehe)

 

Also, it’s my Dad’s birthday today – he’s 45 :)

Happy birthday Daddy!

 

 

Cheers,

Penny