Tag Archives: embarrassment

what’s the opposite of a pedophile? – woes with party penny

Standard

Dear peeps,

 

This little tid-bit is actually rather old, but I just realized that I never got round to telling you about it.

But because it is a golden piece of humiliation, here goes!

So I was at my friend’s birthday party, and we were playing some sort of drinking game.

Das right. I be a bad girl.

And we had a questions round, which obviously is a great way to get to know each other better. Too well, perhaps.

The question was:

At what age are men most attractive?

So, without hesitation, everyone yelled “nineteen!” “eighteen!” “twenty-five!” “fourty-five!”

Guess who that last one was.

I received some concerned stares. So to improve my situation, I said: “I thought that’d be obvious.

Apparently, it wasn’t obvious. But we continued with the game.

I think some people see me in a different light now.

But I would like to have a chance to explain myself: I am not attracted to fourty-five-year-old men, I swearrr! I do, however, stand by the claim that men who have kept themselves in good shape look, well, the “manliest” at age fourty-five. For the following reasons.

Save me, doctor #ineedhelp

Also: suits. For realz.

Imagine if not all superheroes were gorgeous. Would people still want them to save them? (Don’t answer that. I’m not sure what I’m talking about.)

So, judge me all you want, but I’ve had this opinion since I was fifteen and there’s no swaying me.

 

Cheers,

Penny

Advertisements

Finding the Loophole – For Irresponsible Under-18s

Standard

Hi fellow Internetpeople,

 

So it my friend had her 18th birthday, and she was to throw a party.

Now, living in a country where the legal drinking age is 18, I felt obligated to make sure she was provided the proper material. My present to her would have to include some of the strong stuff.

before the 18th birthday

 

The only slight problem was… I am still 17.

This was going to be a delicate matter.

Along with another friend – for “moral” support, if you can call it that in this situation – who is 16, I showed up at the grocery store, where I knew I could buy a shot (which could easily be concealed from judgmental stares).

At first, we sneaked suspiciously around the alcohol section for a bit, trying to find the ideal gift. To our dismay, however, the little one-person-bottles were placed behind the counter, meaning that there was only one way to go about the situation:

Looking as casual and uncaring as seemed humanly possible while my heart raced and my legs wobbled, my friend and I slid up to the counter, glanced nonchalantly at the cashier, and I asked:

“Um…excuse me please…we would like to uh…buy, well, you see, um, a shot, actually, so yeah…”

So articulate.

Oh look, that’s me!

 

The cashier shot me a look so critical I thought I was going to burst into flames.

I tried not to sweat.

“What, um…would you, hehe, suggest?” my friend added, to further improve our credibility.

I suppose the guy didn’t want to embarrass us right away, so he sighed and pulled out a couple brands.

My friend and I stared at them, utterly clueless. One of them was a couple bucks cheaper than the other, so I was tempted to go for that.

“Ah, a fine choice”, the young-ish cashier sneered, “if you’re sixty. Seriously, only old people drink this. It’s gross.”

So, my face burning with shame, I pointed at the other bottle – a plain old vodka I had sampled on occasion – and croaked that I wanted to buy that one.

“Ok, can I see your ID?”

ahh, me again…

 

I suppressed a gulp, and began searching for my wallet. My friend and I shot panicked looks at each other. I was no way going to get away with this! What should I do? Cover my age with my thumb?!

Sadly, I’ll never know if I’d have gotten away with it, however, because I totally chickened out and blurted:

“How precisely are you gonna check?!”

This is exactly the look we were given.

 

Needless to say, we had no choice but to spend the next five minutes pestering 20-ish looking people to help us, until finally, a girl agreed. I was so grateful I tipped her two bucks (making it nearly 10 altogether).

I’m writing this article so that BirthdayGirl can appreciate what I went through for her :P

 

Cheers,

Penny