Tag Archives: ass

How To Avoid Tan-Lines! – an ode to modern fashion

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Hi peeps!

 

Ok, so summer ist upon us. #observant

And I am very gradually coming to the conclusion that it might be time to change out the cardigans and scarves I’ve been wearing for clothes that will allow my skin to breathe and develop that radiant, healthy, sun-kissed glow.

i feel like that dress doesn’t do much for her complexion, but this is the color i’m going for

The only issue is, in order to wear summer clothing, I must own summer clothing.

In order to own summer clothing, I must buy summer clothing.

This is a very real obstacle.

See, what happens in clothing stores (and let’s be honest: we know I mean H&M #forlife) is that I walk in, all confident and cheerful, I drag myself around the aisles – despite armpit sweat and questionable oxygen levels – picking and choosing, like a good customer should.

Well.

Then, after standing in line for the changing rooms for *five minutes* (half and hour), I get to trying the things on.

And suddenly, the mirrors are surrounding me!

The flourescent lights are blinding my eyes, all I can do is to squint suspiciously at my reflection…

Searching for the clothes I supposedly just put on… And the terror hits me!

please pay us 30 bucks to be naked :)

My knees wobble.

I desperately attempt to free myself from the strips of fabric.

Whimpering, I slide down the wall and hit the floor.

My body, once so motivated and full of life, now lies helplessly on the scratchy carpet, waiting to be rescued.

One leg halfway through a pair of hot-pants, price-tags strewn around me like bullets.

Limbs twitching.

I….can’t…go on….

Accepting the vicious, cruel reality of what is now considered fashion, I consider the advantages of nudism.

No tan-lines?

should i give in to the pressures of society?

Deciding to preserve my dignity, I opt for…procrastination.

Shopping can be completed a different time.

 

Cheers,

Penny

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Sport – In Which Certain Backsides Were Mistreated

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For those who are not familiar with the idea: a so-called “Sporttag” (translates into: sport day) is a day where the entire school plays sports all day. Big aha Moment.

This year, my grade played sqash, tennis, and badminton in the morning, which was fun. I went for squash, and my butt was sincerely thanking me (“thanking”) the next day. No regrets. That shit is awesome.

Wait…that’s the wrong squash…

In the afternoon, it was time for my volleyball team to impress the world with its talents.

The grand opening of our first game:

The omniscient volleyball.

There we stood, the four of us, in the heat, sweating.

The sun beat down on our foreheads, tense silence ruled the field.

The shrill sound of the whistle pierced the air.

Serve.

With adrenaline rushing through her body, my teammate heroically jumped for the ball.

She slipped.

She landed in the grass.

On her ass. #oohitrhymes

Grace in its true form.

It was an extremely impressive moment, as the ball shot off into the nearby bushes. Everyone laughed.

In fairness to my dear team-player, she was later a major cause of victory on our part, and this may or may not have involved 30 consecutive serves that each lead directly to a point.

And we ended up winning the tournament.

Credits, therefore, not only to her, but also to the rest of the team!

That’s right, peeps.

So, I’m done bragging :)

Cheers,

Penny