Tag Archives: ah well

yoga with penny #improveyouraura


Namaste peeps,


I would like to welcome you to class, and we will begin today’s lesson in the child-pose.

Bend over and streeeetch, stretch your arms and your fingertips, stretch your freshly manicured nails, imagine a Pumpkin Spice Latte at the other end of the room and stretttch for it.

Keep your head low, and breaathe innnnn…

*thirty seconds later*

…breathe in as long as you can….

…and out…be sure to breathe out all the air, leave your lungs empty, and then keep pushing the air out…

…and just before you faint, I want you to breathe innnnnnn…

Inhale the air, absorb the vibes, appreciate the spirits around you, wonder why on earth you didn’t shower as you keep inhaling and exhaling with your face as close to your crotch as possible…

Now drift softly onto all fours, feel the energy building up around you, and rise gracefully into downward facing dog. Lift your buttocks to the sky, allowing the ceilingĀ to marvel at the two gifts nature has given you. Keep inhaling and exhaling slowly, staying at the edge between consciousness and unconsciousness, letting your mind float in the misty synergy of your environment…

And as you inhale, let the wind carry your feet to the front of the mat, trying not to fall on your neighbor, as this would interrupt the flow of your movement…merge into chair pose, enjoy the burn in your thighs, as this is the world’s way of telling you that you are strong, stronger than anything life can throw at you.

Maybe take this moment to think of any challenge you may be experiencing this week, and realize that you have the strength of mind, the power, to overcome any difficulty.

Relax in this epiphany as we stay calmly in chair pose for a quick seven minutes, relishing the seat that the cosmos has provided you with…

And as you breathe out, exhale any negative thoughts or vibes that you have, and relinquish them into the abyss that is infinity…and come in touch with the life that is acceptance, and breathe in the new, positive energy that your classmates are now creating.

Now jump lightly into twisted half-moon,

and feel free to challenge yourself by lifting your second foot off the ground and merely hovering a few inches above your mat. This can give you a great sense of accomplishment.

And we will do a simple sequence, so follow my motions, and remember to relax and let the air guide you in your endeavors, and we will do this sequence a few times.

Whenever you fall, rely on the mountains and the oceans to raise you up, and continue when you feel ready to embark on the journey, and, um, allow the yoga mat to realine your spine if need be. Silently wait until breathing comes naturally again, and then drift back into motion.

Be connected to the universe, broaden your existence, and gradually, keeping the new-found form of destiny, release yourself into child-pose, breathing the sweat of your armpits, learning to love your natural state of being.

Thank you for coming!





Family Discussions – the optimal death (trigger alert)


Hey peeps,


So, I was at a restaurant with my mom and brother, and we were discussing life, as family might at a restaurant. #muchphilosophical

And we were sitting outside, so I suddenly realized that the black emptiness next to us was rather unsettling, reminding one somewhat of “The Hound of the Baskervilles”.

Silence fell, as my two people turned to admire the darkness.

i mean you just KNOW that that creepy-ass dog was just waiting to attack us all.

“Well”, my mother remarked, “I’m closest to the edge, so I’d get eaten first. And while it feasted on me, you could both escape.”

Futher silence ensued.

My brother and I sat there, feeling the immense guilt of our mother hypothetically sacrificing herself for us.

The thing is, as I then remarked, that it would be even crappier if a child sacrificed themself for their parent. For obvious reasons.

Anyway, before it gets too dark on this post, let’s move on!


Somehow, we drifted from this to the topic of “the optimal death”. Suicide, in particular, since we can’t really choose our death otherwise.

My theory, btw, is that the best way to die would be to jump off a really really high place (for example a plane) with no parachute, and as you were plummetting to your death, you could enjoy your last seconds of life, feeling that flying sensation, spreading your arms and having the wind in your hair.

just a slightly different landing…

The only problem is that then you might suddenly regret killing yourself. So, as my brother was about to offer his opinion on this, my mother piped in:

“Do you think people are listening to us?”