I would like to welcome you to class, and we will begin today’s lesson in the child-pose.
Bend over and streeeetch, stretch your arms and your fingertips, stretch your freshly manicured nails, imagine a Pumpkin Spice Latte at the other end of the room and stretttch for it.
Keep your head low, and breaathe innnnn…
*thirty seconds later*
…breathe in as long as you can….
…and out…be sure to breathe out all the air, leave your lungs empty, and then keep pushing the air out…
…and just before you faint, I want you to breathe innnnnnn…
Inhale the air, absorb the vibes, appreciate the spirits around you, wonder why on earth you didn’t shower as you keep inhaling and exhaling with your face as close to your crotch as possible…
Now drift softly onto all fours, feel the energy building up around you, and rise gracefully into downward facing dog. Lift your buttocks to the sky, allowing the ceiling to marvel at the two gifts nature has given you. Keep inhaling and exhaling slowly, staying at the edge between consciousness and unconsciousness, letting your mind float in the misty synergy of your environment…
And as you inhale, let the wind carry your feet to the front of the mat, trying not to fall on your neighbor, as this would interrupt the flow of your movement…merge into chair pose, enjoy the burn in your thighs, as this is the world’s way of telling you that you are strong, stronger than anything life can throw at you.
Maybe take this moment to think of any challenge you may be experiencing this week, and realize that you have the strength of mind, the power, to overcome any difficulty.
Relax in this epiphany as we stay calmly in chair pose for a quick seven minutes, relishing the seat that the cosmos has provided you with…
And as you breathe out, exhale any negative thoughts or vibes that you have, and relinquish them into the abyss that is infinity…and come in touch with the life that is acceptance, and breathe in the new, positive energy that your classmates are now creating.
Now jump lightly into twisted half-moon,
and feel free to challenge yourself by lifting your second foot off the ground and merely hovering a few inches above your mat. This can give you a great sense of accomplishment.
And we will do a simple sequence, so follow my motions, and remember to relax and let the air guide you in your endeavors, and we will do this sequence a few times.
Whenever you fall, rely on the mountains and the oceans to raise you up, and continue when you feel ready to embark on the journey, and, um, allow the yoga mat to realine your spine if need be. Silently wait until breathing comes naturally again, and then drift back into motion.
Be connected to the universe, broaden your existence, and gradually, keeping the new-found form of destiny, release yourself into child-pose, breathing the sweat of your armpits, learning to love your natural state of being.
Thank you for coming!