Monthly Archives: September 2015

Missing Sizes

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Yello peeps,

 

In a bit, I will continue reading my German assignment, but because I don’t want to, I’m going to give you this little tidbit instead.

Have you ever been an unusual size in…anything?

Shoes…

The following situation actually happened in my home: “oh gabriel come look at these shoes on zalando! Arent they…oh crap they’re only a size 48” of course, we’re talking european sizes (a size 48 in the US might not fit through the door…) but cmon.

Butt…

The struggle is frigging real. Don’t tell me you don’t know exactly what this picture means to you. Ladies. You know.

The other side of shoes…

I had a friend once who still had to wear these when she was twelve. The degradation.

Bras….(your life must be seriously difficult #onlyhalfjoking)

And…suddenly I’m wondering if this blog is child-friendly…

Hair-ties…

Yknow what, this one isn’t even that unusual, so I say: It’s time for the hair-tie manufacturers to adjust to the real world! #vivelarevolution

And we all know about the solution that can sometimes be found for problems such as these: the “one size fits all“. Obviously, this never works (as clearly demonstrated by the hair-ties and every pair of gloves ever). Really, it should be called the “one size fits nobody“.

In fact, the most well-known example which I think every single person will recognize, is…

PRINGLES.

I don’t need to explain this. I just don’t.

Damn right.

So my friend and I recently came up with the idea of “Pringles’ sizing”. I mean, imagine walking into the grocery store, and going to the counter and holding up your delicious Sour Cream n’ Onion box and going “I’m sorry, do you have this seven sizes up?”

And they would reply “Why yes, let me get that from the back, I’ll be right with you.”

All the problems would be solved.

Of course, as I write this, a more logical solution dawns upon me, and I would like to call out, in the name of the people, to all you Pringles bosses:

MAKE THE BOXES BIGGER. JUST MAKE THEM ALL BIGGER. IT’S NOT THAT DIFFICULT.

And now, having conveyed my message, I’m outie. #hellagangsta

 

Cheers,

Penny

Gifts To Give To Your Favorite People

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Dear peeps,

So, with Christmas creeping ever closer, I thought it’d be about time to create a little list for myself of all the things I need to buy.

What do you mean “it’s September”?

But before we begin, I would like to mention that we could give this post an alternate title, perhaps “Making Friends: Part 1”

Enjoy.

Deodorant.

And be thorough about it!

“Weight Loss For Dummies”

“This did wonders for my friend’s cousin!”

Lemons

Bonus points if you explain their symbolic resonance.

Mouth wash

As with deodorant: Don’t go cheap. Get the good stuff.

Kitty sweater

Making their baby this happy is bound to draw you two closer!

“I ♡ Paris” key-chain – especially when she’s never been to Paris

Because nothing says love like taking thirty entire seconds to pick out this three-euro treasure.

A cactus

“Oh I know just where to put this!”

The gift you’re regifting and forgot they gave you.

Concealer

“I did my best to get you something useful!” – “Awww how sweet!”

“11’002 things to be miserable about”

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One-size-fits-all socks

*sandals not included*

*sandals not included*

Also, just a quick side note: I may or may  ot have received and/or given various items on this list…

Now, scamper off and play, kids!

Cheers,

Penny

Meet: Pedro

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Hey peeps,

 

I have a friend (shocking as that may be). His name is Pedro.

Let me tell you about Pedro.

He has thin brown hair and likes to wear plaid button-ups.

it’s his favorite.

He is nearing the end of puberty, and has been attempting to grow a moustache for the past few months. #emphasisonattempting

I won’t include a picture. For reasons.

He has a crush on my other friend (my popularity is astonishing, I know), and he regularly texts her good night. Lots of emojis. She doesn’t respond. This does not appear to deter him.

Pedro’s hobbies include: long walks on the beach, Call Of Duty, and Polly Pocket.

His younger sister, Annabeth, loves horses.

She really loves horses.

like, really loves them.

Halloween is coming up very soon, and Pedro, prepared as he always is, has been planning his potential costumes for months: a banana, a genie in a lamp, or Ken.

Which one do you think would get the most females? –> comment below to help Pedro decide!

…And I have a little confession to make: I don’t have a friend (wait for it) named Pedro. I do have friends. I swear.

I just think there is probably a Pedro out there who fits this description. Sorry to any normal Pedros I may have offended.

 

Cheers,

Penny

why i am spiderman

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Hi peeps,

 

I would like to tell you about my undying desire to be a boy.

Ok, perhaps I should rephrase this:

I wanna be Spiderman, and walk around like a boss, and be strong and save people, and I wanna be sweaty and gross and impressive and cool – I don’t want to be Mary-Jane, a damsel in distress! I mean look at her:

I’m just saying. The similarity. It is there. (I’m actually wondering if I should vote for Kristen)

I guess my point is: Girls are nevvvver the hero! And when they are, then:

k, so there are some villains here. what’s your point?

a nice cool breeze, id say

that magic stare is just immobilizing. the city is saved!

create maximum booty stretch for optimal leverage…right?

unrestricted. very practical.

I just feel like the super-femme application form must look a lot like this:

Please answer the following questions:

Bra size:

  • c
  • d
  • e
  • select here for complementary surgical enlargement

I would like to wear the following Outfit**:

  • leotard
  • cat-suit
  • nothing
  • bikini

Would you like a personal hair-stylist? (extra charges may apply)

  • yes
  • only before I meet Batman / Superman / the sexy super-villain

**Warning: Absence of permanent wedgie not guaranteed.

in fairness, I feel sorry for the guys who think they have to look like superman. please dont look like superman. don’t do the tights thing.

Basically, I wasn’t even allowed to watch Cat Woman until I was thirteen because the images were considered “too explicit”.

And so I turned my attention to more practical goals. I decided I would be Spiderman.

I dreamt of having spidey powers. I pretended to have spidey powers, I owned spidey merch (stolen from my brother), I wore spidey costumes.

That was my childhood.

I still want to be spidey.

And I’ve forgotten what I wanted to say.

Nevermind. Go web go!

nooooooo goddammit

 

Cheers,

Penny

Guilty Pleasure: Bollywood

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Dear peeps,

 

Let me tell you the story of eight-year-old me:

One day, my dad came home having made the decision that our entire family would go through a four year Bollywood craze. So we did.

We watched Bollywood films, we listened to Bollywood music – we sang Bollywood music, we danced to Bollywood music. We ate Indian food, went to Indian festivals, we even took a three week trip to India. My dad learned to play the tablas. All of us owned multiple traditional Indian outfits. I wore mine to school.

this was going to be my wedding someday.

this was going to be my wedding someday.

And then, for whatever reason, it sort if stopped. We returned to being normal (*cough*) citizens who lead uninteresting, normal lives. (jk, that was the beginning of the baseball thing.)

However, since about a third of my childhood consisted largely of Bollywood, I have never been quite able to erase that from my being, leading us to my guilty pleasure:

Re-watching all the most awesomely choreographed and/or heart-breaking scenes from my favorite movies over and over again. By myself. Crying. Or singing. Or both.

(This post may or may not be inspired by one such episode.)

So, judge if you will, but for anyone who wants to join me, here is a short list of my all-time favorite Bollywood flicks:

  1. Main Hoon Na
  2. Kal Ho Na Ho
  3. Kabhi Kushi Kabhi Gham

Just watch those three. Trust me.

And be sure to let me know when you’re having emotional breakdowns. :D

 

Cheers,

Penny

Are you insane? FIND OUT HERE!

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Hey peeps,

 

First of all, sorry for my irregular posting, but like I’ve said: academic life is time consuming.

But I try, and that’s what counts…right?

So, getting back to my actual post: I seem to be determined to self-diagnose myself with every mental illness on the planet.

I-tried-to-be-normal-once-meme

I can’t be the only one who does this, right?

I suppose it’d be like the perfect excuse to unleash my crazy on the world: “Whoops, sorry, I couldn’t control myself there; I’ve got an extreme case of homichlophobia.” (i dare you to check that one)

The newest one was searching the internet to prove to myself that I might have “chronic paranoia”.

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In fact, in doing so, I came across this site: Phobia List

I probably have about half of them, tbh, but I believe a relatively accurate one, if any, would be agateophobia.

The fear of insanity.

Although, I’m not sure if that means I’m afraid of being insane, or afraid of insane people.

Anywho, let me know if you can think of any other illness I might have. Hypochondria, perhaps?

 

Cheers,

Penny

Things To Do In Boring Classes

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Dear peeps,

 

Have you ever played this game? –> draw the frame of a face (male or female), and then finish the rest with pencil. can be done over and over (and over and over and…)

Credits to my bestie and myself B) #talent

le greensleaves.

le greensleaves.

le cheer-leader

le cheer-leader

le princess and the frog

le princess and the frog

le man-bun.

le man-bun.

le douchebag.

le douchebag.

le sexy gamer girl

le sexy gamer girl

le "i was a hippy in the sixties".

le “i was a hippy in the sixties”.

le mozart.

le mozart.

le so in love

le so in love

le mean girls

le mean girls

le edgy.

le edgy.

le math teacher

le math teacher

Feel free to steal our game!

 

Cheers,

Penny