My Brother, The Future Cult Leader


Greetings peeps!


Yes, I am personally convinced that my younger brother will grow up to be a cult leader (*dictator*). True, he may only be fifteen, but he’s also six feet tall, and he has the predisposition to be one, I swear.

Let me explain why:

Recently, I was telling a story that took place in a car, and my dear brother decided that, no, it had taken place in a boat. Because he remembered it. I didn’t believe him.

That is literally the whole basis of what happened next.

A look of intense emotional pain came over my brother’s face, as he closed his eyes, attempting to calm himself (despite my apparently unfathomable stupidity). And he proceeded to give this little speech:

“You’re saying, that you don’t believe – that you don’t trust – my absolute – my absolute knowledge. – It’s not even questionable, or doubtful; it’s absolute. I’ve never been more sure about something, than the fact that we were in. a. boat. Believe me. […]”

I sat there, being edified, occasionally injecting that it was definitely in a car. #soprovocative

But he was relentless (the word “absolute” was used quite frequently).

Meanwhile, I could gradually feel the strength leaving my body.

His words beat down on my head.

His voice resonated throughout the living room.

Trying to cure me of my idiocy.

I had to use all my self control not to slide off the couch and lie lifelessly on the floor.

my future

‘Make it stop’, the voice inside my head was whimpering.

I knew I couldn’t last much longer. I was nearing capitulation.

Thankfully, in that moment, my mother requested that my brother clean the kitchen, and my dignity was saved.


But imagine the potential!

Imagine the great things my brother could accomplish with this self-confidence and determination!

I am certain that by age forty, he will have established his own community, created to serve him and his beliefs. They will call him “master”.

So watch out, world!





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Feel free to express yourselves :) #madonnareference

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